I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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