I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
