I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
dude. I can hear the air.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
