My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
