just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
