hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
