just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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