officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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