Since when is my name a synonym for head?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
