I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
