Jerry, you need to find god
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
