It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
