I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
