allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
