I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I will die if light touches me.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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