we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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