It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
