I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
