You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
