I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
