My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
