This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
she peed on how many people?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
