Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
