he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
