We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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