you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
you will always have a special place in my vag
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
