i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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