Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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