she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
