It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
