Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
