She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
