just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
