Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
