Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
