Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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