didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
