ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
