theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
