It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
im about as happy as oj after his trial
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
i think i just lost a toe
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
