I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
