They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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