It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
