Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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