conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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