you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
