Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
