I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if only i could text you this smell
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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