So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
