im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
