You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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